Date:  Thu, 11 Apr 1996 14:34:00 -0600

From:  Ellen Johnson <EJOHNSON[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU>

Subject: a funny story



Hey, y'all. I've been taking a short vacation from e-mail, but this motivated

me to sign back on and perhaps brighten your day a bit.



Ellen ejohnson[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]cc.memphis.edu



>From: UMEM::DLPATTON  i.e. dlpatton[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]cc.memphis.edu 8-APR-1996 09:53:16.71

>Subj: Jenni made me do it.

>

>Dr. Johnson,

>

>Jenni told me to e-mail this little story to you.

>

>          THE DEMONSTRATIVES OF DREARYVILLE

>

>    Once upon a time, long, long ago, there lived a family of four in a

>land called Drearyville. This faraway land got its name because of a horrible

>curse it would put on college students in a place called America in the distant

>future. This particular family's name was the DEMONSTRATIVE family. There

>were Father Demonstrative named Se, Mother Demonstrative named Seo, and their

>two children, [thorn ash t] and [thorn a]. The children were born with thorns

>in their heads that would last throughout their lives. It was very painful.

>

>   Mr. and Mrs. Demonstrative couldn't bear to see their kids suffering so much,

>so they decided to join them in their agony. They had heard of a new surgical

>procedure called ANALOGY that could be used to insert THORNS into their heads,

>and they will be able to relate to the children's pain. Well, Se and Seo went

>to Grammar Methodist Hospital to have their S's LEVELED to thorns. The

>children were deeply moved by this act of love.

>

>   Somehow, President Bill INFLECTION got word of the story, and Mr. [thorn

>e] Demonstrative was crowned GENERALIZED DEFINITE ARTICLE FOR ALL GENDERS,

>NUMBER, AND CASES. He took this honor in stride, showing no signs of STRESS.

>The more severely inflicted of the kids, [thorn ash t], was honored for her

>bravery by being crowned DEMONSTRATIVE PRONOUN FOR ALL GENDERS AND CASES.

>Because she was underage, this was for SINGULAR forms only. To lessen the pain

>for the younger child, [thorn a], his "a" was rounded off to "o" and a smooth

>"s" was added for extra support.

>    This is why the DEMONSTRATIVES ILLUSTRATE BETTER THAN ANY OTHER PART OF

>SPEECH HOW ENGLISH HAS PROGRESSIVELY RID ITSELF OF GRAMMATICAL COMPLEXITIES.

>

>Tune in next time for more thrilling adventures in........NOUNSENSE!

>

>Dana