Date: Thu, 24 Jul 1997 17:51:55 -0400

From: "Margaret G. Lee -English" mlee[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]CS.HAMPTONU.EDU

Subject: Re: FW: (fwd)



---------- Forwarded message ----------

Date: Thu, 24 Jul 1997 07:59:44 -0700

From: Helen Inez Lee inezlee[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]qvinta-inc.com

To: datwins[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]exis.net

Cc: Ernie Baretincic ErnieBaretincic[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]521.ih.navy.mil ,

Robert Lee lee[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]rblee ,

"Margaret G. Lee -English" mlee[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]cs.hamptonu.edu ,

margot[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]nyc.pipeline.com

Subject: Re: FW:





"Star Trek Lost Episodes" transcript.





Picard: "Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at

finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able to

access their command pathways?"



Geordi: "Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer by searching

through

our archives on late Twentieth-century computing technology."



(Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.)



Riker: (looks puzzled.) "What the hell is `Microsoft'?"



Data: (turns to answer.) "Allow me to explain. We will send this

program, for some reason called `Windows', through the Borg command

pathways. Once inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming

system resources at an unstoppable rate."



Picard: "But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their

processing systems to increase their storage capacity?"



Data: "Yes, Captain. But when `Windows' detects this, it creates a new

version of itself known as an `upgrade'. The use of resources increases

exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not be able to adapt

quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing ability will be

taken

over and none will be available for their normal operational

functions."



Picard: "Excellent work. This is even better than that `unsolvable

geometric shape' idea."



. . . 15 Minutes Later . . .



Data: "Captain, we have successfully installed the `Windows' in the

Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all

available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation of

the expected `upgrade'."



Geordi: "Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and

CPU

capacity, but we still have no indication of an `upgrade' to compensate

for their increase."



Picard: "Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is

something we have missed."



Data: "Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the

`upgrade'. Appearently the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan

by not sending in their registration cards."



Riker: "Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin

emergency escape sequence 3F ...."



Geordi: (excited) "Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly

dropped to 0% !"



Picard: "Data, what does your scanners show?"



Data: (studying displays) "Appearently the Borg have found the internal

`Windows' module named `Solitaire', and it has used up all available

CPU

capacity."



Picard: "Let's wait and see how long this `Solitaire' can reduce their

functionality."



. . . Two Hours Pass . . .



Riker: "Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?"



Geordi: "As expected, the Borg are attempting to re-engineer to

compensate for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they

successfully increase resources I have setup our closest deep space

monitor beacon to transmit more `Windows' modules from something called

the `Microsoft Fun-pack'.



Picard: "How much time will that buy us?"



Data: "Current Borg solution rates allow me to predicate an interest

time span of 6 more hours."



Geordi: "Captain, another vessel has entered our sector."



Picard: "Identify."



Data: "It appears to have markings very similar to the 'Microsoft'

logo..."



(Over the speakers:) "THIS IS ADMIRAL BILL GATES OF THE MICROSOFT

FLAGSHIP _MONOPOLY_. WE HAVE POSITIVE CONFIRMATION OF

UNREGISTERED

SOFTWARE IN THIS SECTOR. SURREDER ALL ASSETS AND WE CAN AVOID ANY

TROUBLE. YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS TO COMPLY."



Data: "The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released

thousands of humanoid-shaped objects."



Picard: "Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!"



Riker: "My God, captain! Those are human beings floating straight

toward

the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive the

tortures of deep space?!"



Data: "I don't believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look

closer I believe you will see that they are carrying something

recognized by twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases,

and wearing Armani suits."



Riker and Picard: (together - horrified) "Lawyers!!"



Geordi: "It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling

into the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening."



Data: "True, but appearently some must have survived."



Riker: "They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it with all

types of papers."



Data: "I believe that is known in ancient venacular as `red tape'. It

often proves fatal."



Riker: "They're tearing the Borg to pieces!"



Picard: "Turn the monitors off, Data, I cant bear to watch. Even the

Borg doesnt deserve such a gruesome death!"