Date:    Tue, 24 Mar 1998 12:17:24 EST
<br>From:    CLAndrus  CLAndrus[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]AOL.COM 
<br>Subject: EuroEnglish
<br>
<br>I tried to send this piece from an a-drive document last week and it came
<br>through gibberish. So, I'm taking the time out of a busy schedule to type the
<br>whole thing. I hope you enjoy it. I found it in The Best of American Humor of
<br>1994, edited by Moshe Waldoks, pub. by Simon & Schuster. It was listed under
<br>miscellaneous and no author was listed.  Here goes:
<br>
<br>   Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European
<br>Parliament has commissioned a feasbility study in way of improving efficient
<br>in communications between Government departments.
<br>   European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is
<br>unnecessarily difficult; for example: cough plough, rough, through, and
<br>thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out
<br>these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a
<br>committee staff at top level by participating nations.
<br>   In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's'
<br>instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sites would reseive
<br>this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both
<br>letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the
<br>minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
<br>   There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed
<br>that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'.
<br>   This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.
<br>  In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
<br>reatsh the stage where more komplikated tshanges are possible. Governments
<br>would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a
<br>deterent  to akirate speling.
<br>   We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is
<br>disgrasful. Therfor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though
<br>nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and
<br>peopl would be reseptiv to steps sutch as replacing "th" by "z". Perhaps zen
<br>ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'.
<br>Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'.
<br>Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.
<br>   Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vue eventuli hav a reli sensibl
<br>riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no more trublsm difikultis and
<br>everivun vud fin it ezi tu understand etsh ozer. Ze drems of Mr. Orvel vud
<br>finali hav kum tru.
<br>
<br>TRY RUNNING THIS THROUGH SPELLCHECK!
<br>