Date: Sun, 22 Mar 1998 12:52:06 -0500
From: Grant Barrett gbarrett[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]DFJP.COM
Subject: RE Re: Annoy those Yankees! (fwd from a student)
More how to annoy those Southenehs:
5. Call all Southern men "boy."
6. When you hear a banjo, shout "Squeal like a pig, boy, squeal like a pig!"
7. When they begin a sentence with "why" even though they're not asking a
question, respond to the "why" as if they were.
8. Don't let them continue their turn shooting pool aftering sinking a sloppy
shot unless they called the ball in the pocket first.
9. Ask if they've ever seen a UFO.
10. If you're inviting them to a nice party, ask them not to wear white patent
leather loafers.
11. Make the jukebox skip on The King, Lynyrd Skynyrd or Stevie Ray Vaughn.
12. When you meet a Southerner's cousin, wink and say, "Kinda cute, huh?"
(This reminds me of the comedian Jerry Clower who told a story about the city
slicker who come up on a farmer planting corn. The rows were all wavy, jerkin
this way and that, pretty much contour tilling with an emphasis on countour.
The city slicker says, "Your rows are all crooked."
Farmer says, "Yep."
"Well, why in the world would you want to plant corn in crooked rows?"
"You can plant just much corn in a crooked row as you can in a straight one."
City slickers says,"Well, there's not much separating you from a jackass, is
there?"
"Nothin but a fence."
In Jerry Clower's stories, the farmer or good ol' boy always represented the
South and the city clicker always represented the North.)
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On Sun, 22 Mar 1998, Daniel Long started a list to be called "Annoy Those
Southenehs":
1. Use "y'all" even when you're talking to only one person.
2. Refer to mixed or female groups as "you guys".
Bethany added:
3. Ask if they want "white coffee."
4. Give all directions with reference only to north, south, east, and west
-- never mention landmarks.