Date:  Wed, 29 May 1996 17:00:35 -0600

From:  Ellen Johnson <EJOHNSON[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]MSUVX1.MEMPHIS.EDU>

Subject: vowels for Bosnia



I've been away for a couple of weeks. Forgive me if you've already seen this.

Ellen





>>>>>

>>>>>  CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA

>>>>>  Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

>>>>>

>>>>>Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton

>>>announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of

>>>Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will

>>>provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is

>>>hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

>>>>>

>>>>>"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr

>>>and Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton

>>>said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It

>>>is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their

>>>>>incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble

>>>endeavour."

>>>>>

>>>>>The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State Department, is

>>>set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and

>>>Grzny slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each

>>>carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force

>>>Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.

>>>>>

>>>>>Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels.

>>>"My God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnjkln, 44, said.

>>>"I have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to

>>>me or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family

>>>just one 'E.' Please."

>>>>>

>>>>>If the initial airlift is successful, Clinton said the United States will

>>>go ahead with full-scale vowel deployment, with C-130's airdropping

>>>thousands more letters over every area of Bosnia. Other nations are

>>>expected to pitch in as well, including 10,000 British "A's" and 6,500

>>>Canadian "U's."

>>>>>Japan, rich in A's and O's, was asked to participate, but declined.

>>>>>

>>>>>"With these valuable letters, the people of war-ravaged Bosnia will be

>>>able to make some terrific new words," Clinton said. "It should be very

>>>exciting for them, and much easier for us to read their maps."

>>>>>

>>>>>Linguists praise the US's decision to send the vowels. For decades they

>>>have struggled with the hard consonants and difficult pronunciation of most

>>>Slavic words. "Vowels are crucial to construction of all language," an

>>>Illinois Institute of Technology multimedia specialist said. "Without them,

>>>it would be difficult to utter a single word, much less organize a coherent

>>>sentence. Please, just don't get me started on the moon-man languages they

>>>use in those Eastern European countries."

>>>>>

>>>>>According to the multimedia specialist who wished to remain anonymous,

>>>once the Bosnians have vowels, they will be able to construct such valuable

>>>sentences as: "The potatoes are ready;" "I believe it will rain." and "Can

>>>you give me another box of ammo and a few grenades?"

>>>>>

>>>>>The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign

>>>country since 1979. During the summer of that year, President Jimmy Carter

>>>ordered the shipment of 92,000 consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities

>>>like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao with vital, life-giving supplies of L's,

>>>S's and T's. The consonant-relief effort failed, however, when vast

>>>quantities of the letters were intercepted and horded by violent, gun-toting

>>>warlords.

>>>>>

>>>

>j

>