Date:  Tue, 25 Nov 1997 12:05:03 -0500
From:  Wayne Glowka <wglowka[AT SYMBOL GOES HERE]MAIL.GAC.PEACHNET.EDU>
Subject: What Car Names Mean

Well, the following falls generally under the topic of semiotics, I guess.
I have a Ford Aerostar Van (mocha) and a fading Probe (strawberry). I used
to drive a Miata. What does this all mean?

Wayne Glowka

>The Statements Car Owners are Really Making:
>--------------------------------------------
>
>Acura Integra - I have always wanted to own the Buick of
>    sports cars.
>Acura Legend - I'm too bland for German cars.
>Acura NSX - I am impotent.
>Audi 90 - I enjoy putting out engine fires.
>Buick Park Avenue - I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
>Cadillac Eldorado - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
>Cadillac Seville - I am a pimp.
>Chevrolet Camaro - I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
>Chevrolet Chevette - I like seeing people's reactions when
>    I tell them I have a 'Vette.
>Chevrolet Corvette - I'm in a mid-life crisis.
>Chevrolet El Camino - I am leading a militia to overthrow
>    the government.
>Chrysler Cordoba - I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
>Datsun 280ZI - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel-well.
>Dodge Dart - I teach third grade special education and I
>    voted for Eisenhower.
>Dodge Daytona - I delivered pizza for four years to get
>   this car.
>Ferrari Testarossa - I am known to be in therapy .
>Ford Fairmont - (See Dodge Dart)
>Ford Mustang - I slow down to 85 in school zones.
>Ford Crown Victoria - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph
>   and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
>Geo Storm - I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
>Geo Tracker - I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
>Honda del Sol - I have always said, half a convertible is
>   better than no convertible at all.
>Honda Civic - I have just graduated and have no credit.
>Honda Accord - I lack any originality and am basically a
>   lemming.
>Infiniti Q45 - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits
>   pending.
>Isuzu Impulse - I do not give a damn about J.D. Power or
>   his reports.
>Jaguar XJ6 - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is
>   in the shop 280 days per year.
>Sephia - I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
>Lamborghini Countach - I only have one testicle.
>Lincoln Town Car - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
>Mercury Grand Marquis - (See above)
>Mercedes 500SL - I will beat you up if you ask me for an
>   autograph.
>Mercedes 560SEL - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son
>   named Cole.
>Mazda Miata - I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen
>   wheeler.
>MGB - I am dating a mechanic.
>Mitsubishi Diamante - I don't know what it means either.
>Nissan 300ZX - I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
>Oldsmobile Cutlass - I just stole this car and I'm going to
>   make a fortune off the parts.
>Peugeot 505 Diesel - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List.
>Plymouth Neon - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
>Pontiac Trans AM - I have a switchblade in my sock.
>Porsche 911 Turbo - I wear a hairpiece.
>Porsche 944 - I am dating big-haired women that otherwise
>   would be inaccessible to me.
>Rolls Royce Silver Shadow - I think Pat Buchanan is a tad bit
>   too liberal.
>Saturn SC2 - (See Honda Civic)
>Subaru Legacy - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
>   inferior than Isuzu.
>Toyota Camry - I am still in the closet.
>Volkswagen Beetle - I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
>Volkswagen Cabriolet - I am out of the closet.
>Volkswagen Golf (Tan) - I am a loser with a piss ass job, a
>   raging lunatic and smelly breathed geeky wimp.
>Volkswagen GTI - I am very intelligent, good looking, great
>   disposition, down to earth, and hung like a yak.
>Volkswagen Microbus - I am tripping.
>Volvo 740 Wagon - I am frightened of my wife
>